Sunday, January 30, 2011

On fibbing

Story #1
Do you ever find yourself in a situation where you just need to tell a little fib to end the conversation and move on with life? I think people do this all the time. The other day I was looking at wedding invitations in this tourist gift store in my downtown SoCal town. I was looking at invitations in about seven huge binders and the owner (Linda) kept coming over and sitting with me. Linda was awfully chatty while I was looking at the invitations and commenting on each page and honestly... I just wanted her to leave me be. In a nice way of course. I could not concentrate. I made the mistake of telling Linda that I will be using my parents' address in Philadelphia as the return address on the envelopes. Linda then went on an on about how I should not do this if we did not want our gifts sent to Philadelphia and yadda yadda yadda. It's a complicated situation living in California and getting married in Philadelphia, you know. Logistically where the gifts go and essentially every other detail about the big day has been made more complicated due to the 2500 mile spread. Linda then wanted to get into my personal life and asked that if we were using Philadelphia for the return address then are we are planning to move to Philadelphia after the wedding. In my poor attempt to end this conversation and get some peace and quiet I fibbed.... and said yes we are moving to PA after the wedding. (Even though we have no intention in doing so). Well.... this then prompted about 78 more questions from Linda and next thing I knew I was explaining how my fiance's job is coincidentally being transferred to near my home town and we want to be close to my parents and although SoCal is lovely (and snowless) that we are buying a house and going to start a family in Philadelphia after our July wedding. NONE. OF. THIS. IS. HAPPENING. IN. REAL. LIFE. How did I go from looking at wedding invitations to becoming a pathological liar? I have no idea either.

Story #2
Speaking of telling fibs that turn into elaborate stories where not an ounce of it is true, the other day I lied to my boss. It wasn't completely my fault. He does not realize that he does it, but he asks personal questions to me that I would rather not answer. When I am sick or tell him that I have a doctor's appointment he usually wants to know what is wrong. I do not believe it is in an effort to be nosey or inappropriate, I think he genuinely concerned about my well being and does not realize that asking "what do you have to go to the doctor for?" can be a VERY personal question. If I have a dentist appointment, then no problem. I will email him "Dear Boss, I have a 9:00am dentist appointment. I should be back in the office by 10:00am pending if I have any cavities or not. But I floss frequently and take great care of my teeth so I don't think there will be an issue." I will tell him if I have a physical, dermatologist appointment, or allergist appointment. But I will NOT tell him if I have my yearly womanly appointment. My email for those special appointments go something like "Dear Boss, I have a doctor's 9:00am appointment. I will be back in the office by noon." (noon because my womanly doctor's office always has the LONGEST wait). The other day was my yearly womanly appointment and of course my boss asked a few questions too many. Our conversation went something like this:
Me: I have a doctor's appointment tomorrow. I should be in the office by noon.
Boss: Is everything ok?
Me: Yes everything is fine. Just a check up
Boss: Is this like a physical?
Me: No, not exactly.
Boss: Is something wrong?
Me: Ummm I have been having stomach pains and I want to get it checked out
Boss: Stomach pains?! What kind of stomach pains
Me: Umm after I eat my stomach hurts. Especially at night (wtf? where did that come from?)
Boss: Like gas pains?
Me: Um NO. Not like that at all actually. I don't know if it is really food related or not. I am just going to get it checked out (MUST ABORT IDEA OF GAS FROM BOSS' HEAD)
Boss: When you take a Tums do you feel better?
Me: Um yeah I have tried everything and it still hurts. I am sure it's nothing. Just trying to be safe, ya know!?
Boss: OK, well let me know how your appointment goes tomorrow.

Great. Now my boss thinks I have chronic gas issues. How did I get here?

Highlight the text after the star to reveal which story is true *The true story is story number 1. Linda definitely turned me into a chronic liar. And I am happy to admit that I do not have chronic stomach issues!

1 comment:

  1. This one is a toughie! I'm going to guess that #2 is a fib b/c - hello, boss - TMI! But let's be honest, I would LOVE to be a fly on the wall in either of these scenarios. I've got the giggles just imagining your facial expressions...